From the link: “Dick danger denialism is delusional.” Hee. Bit long for a tee-shirt. A meme, maybe?
As for condoms, their very fragility seems like a deliberate joke against women. Still, men have the gall to complain that condoms “get in the way,” which really kinda sums it up as far as their thinking is concerned.
yes, when you think about it even the tiniest bit, it all seems like a cruel joke at womens expense. thats because that is exactly what it is. its only “funny” because men are sadists and hate women, of course. in reality, its horrifying. its almost (or fully) beyond words.
Also, “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms. wtf? How are women supposed to get pleasure from something being abrasive against the vaginal wall? Either men are astoundingly ignorant of female anatomy (true in so many cases) or they DO know and are being deliberately cruel. (On a systemic level, I think both things are true.) And to compound matters, women are told they are supposed to enjoy them, and are made to feel defective if they don’t. Added benefit to men: They can buy “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms and pat themselves on the back for being considerate. Plus, they can just turn them inside-out, so they’re really “ribbed for *his* pleasure. Surprise.
(Even as I’m typing this, the little dude in my head is whispering, “Maybe lots of women do enjoy them. After all, they sell a lot of those things.” I throw him out, but he keeps jimmying the back door.)
For those of you in your teens or 20s in the 90s, there was Celia Farber, a handmaiden and AIDS denialist extraordinaire. From 1986 to 1996, she wrote editorials in SPIN and other magazines (but mostly SPIN because she was fucking the executive editor, Bob Guccione Jr., who was the architect of denialism and hired Celia for her ability to be a handmaiden and useful object) exhorting Gen-Xers to ditch the condoms, since “straight people are at no risk for AIDS.”
Well, sure. Het men aren’t. They’ve always been in the lowest-risk category. The ratio of viral load in vaginal secretions, to exposed mucous membrane surface area on a man’s dick, is too low, unless he has a gash on his dick or something. But WOMEN now comprise one of the fastest-growing groups of new HIV infections each year, with estimates that between 15% and 23% of new HIV cases each year are heterosexual women. Did Celia Farber, or any HIV/AIDS denialist – or really, anyone involved in the AIDS discussion – name the agent, which was semen? No, no they did not. And with abstinence-only education de rigeur for the Millennial generation, HIV infection rates are skyrocketing among girls and women ages 16-25.
HIV/AIDS isn’t mentioned a lot in discussions of het sex, but it’s really, really worth pointing out. Pregnancy is bad enough, and our abortion rights are always in peril, but some women still have access to abortion in the US. (Africa, many parts of Asia, etc., obviously are a different story, and the situation[s] there make me want to choke people.) Despite what the denialists say though, HIV is lethal pretty much 100% of the time. And it’s still problematic in America, especially in low-income communities, among women of color, and especially among women in coercive, abusive relationships where their male partners are lying about their activities and hiding their seroconversion.
Also, “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms. wtf?
How about that “warming lube,” also marketed “for her pleasure?” My partner and I tried that once, when we were younger and naive (25 & 26), on a whim. Holy shit, does it buuuurn – like a UTI burns, and you have to wash it off with soap to get rid of the pain. Funny, how the hot thing in lubrication starting at least 7, 8 years ago, or maybe more, has been products that mimic the sensations of vaginas and vulvas in distress and unhealthy states, much of that distress intercourse-generated. I wouldn’t buy anything less than high-end silicone-free, water-based lube, which is expensive, but she and I don’t go through it that fast anyway.
You can get UTIs from intercourse even if you use a condom. That one always blew my mind when I was a kid, but not anymore, now that I know better. Condoms are not failproof; just more harm reduction. I’m glad my years of worrying about that are long behind me. We tell our straight friends to make sure they pee after intercourse if they must have it. More harm reduction.
hi gem, thanks for reading! intercourse is pure misogynistic evil, and women around the world know this. its as plain as day. you might like the convo happening here as well:
Hi FCM, my pleasure. I first learned of this blog ring via one of our 2nd-floor neighbors. She’s a bit less radical, but hasn’t dated men for ages, and we’re lockstep on the major tenets of rad-fem theory, including how intercourse and other male institutions are problematic. My partner and I have been fortunate to rent the 3rd floor in this all-female house for over 5 yrs. The rules are, you must be a womyn-friendly womyn and feminist ally. It’s both in our lease, and is how the units are advertised, so the tenants self-select, and we have no dangerous or violent males anywhere in OR near the house. It’s sad to give it up, but we’re moving to get married (securing inheritance and power-of-attorney to each other instead of males), and to start new jobs at a female-run company. It’s going to be fun to give my chauvinist-prick boss the bare minimum of 2 weeks’ notice, 2 weeks more than he deserves for paying me less than male managers, only hiring women who go high-femme for client meetings (self included, ugh), and letting his prized dood harass me sexually and emotionally, without consequence, for years. As a bonus, a lezzie couple in their late 20s will take over the lease for our unit.
The energy in women-only spaces is unbelievable. I wish you (all of you!) could experience it. I think that any woman who finds intercourse or males problematic should strive to set up their lives so they are in women-only spaces as much as possible, ideally all of the time. And I would be willing to help or advise any woman who wanted to do that. I won’t judge if you can’t do it of course, lack resources, or are involved w/ a Nigel in a way you can’t safely exit. Women are pushed apart enough already, and I don’t want to add to the problem. I KNOW all too well how coercive, violent, and destructive Nigels can be, too. Up till my very early 20s, I was dating them, so believe me, I am all-too-familiar with their bull shit.
To reply to Gem; I understand the UTI Hell. I am currently having all kinds of issues, and think its more reproductive than UT related. To be honest in my opinion its the contraceptive pill that has caused this, and sex! Since coming off that I have all kids of health issues, none of which I was told about or knew of when taking it (at 16-26) you are quite naive; if it works you keep taking it, and the Doctors won’t check when your younger to see if it is effecting your body adversely (again I had male Drs to content with!) I wish I had never taken it. It interfered with my bodies natural balance, and now I’m paying the price at 33! I feel the medical establishments don’t give a damn about women’s bodies; I have friends suffering with all kinds of reproductive complaints, and they have male Drs who couldn’t give a shit! They endure endless pain and problems and nothing is done to resolve it. Its like they don’t give a shit about the female body, or women’s complaints; we are after all just moaning bitches and we should just put up and shut up! Anyway, the other thing I wanted to mention was that the woman’s vagina and a penis mustn’t be compatible; most vaginal cancers are related to the bacteria a penis carries. Hence the reason for condoms and the constant ‘smear’ tests. Once you start having sex your fucked, quite literally!
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