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dear gay transmen

July 8, 2012

you arent the only straight females who find heterosexual fucking problematic.

most men arent even any good at it, but thats the least of the problems with either males or intercourse.  that is to say, its only part of the story.

in a nutshell, heterosexual fucking is boring, repetitious, dangerous, deleterious to women and supportive of male power.

often, straight men only want to fuck you every once in a while, just enough so that you always think youre pregnant but never enough to make it worth it for you.  thats because heterosexual fucking is not about sex for men.  if it were, they would want to fuck you all the time, and do all kinds of other pleasurable stuff too, but thats not what they want.

conversely/perversely, other men who want to fuck all the time want to fuck many different women one time each, just enough to bring fear of pregnancy into the equation (for her) but never enough to give her any real pleasure.  these allegedly hypersexual men frequently do not want to fuck the same woman over and over.  UNLESS SHE DOESNT WANT IT, then it becomes imperative that she be fucked constantly.  thats because its not about sex, its about power, and harming women, and giving all women the exact opposite of what they want, sexually.  reproductively, we all get what we dont want too: pregnancy scares.  constantly.

many, many, women report the same things about straight men, and how they use sex, and how its no good for women.  its not just you.  its a real thing, and its political.

in conclusion, try reading a radical feminist book sometime, like dworkins “intercourse”.  you might learn something, and books will never, ever give you an STD.

thank you.

PS.  none of this makes you a gay male.  even though you want to fuck male-bodied persons, and have that be about sexual pleasure (for once) rather than it being about men dominating and harming you as a female, it doesnt mean you are a gay man.  it means that heterosexual fucking is problematic.

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8 Comments
  1. July 8, 2012 2:28 pm

    UNLESS SHE DOESNT WANT IT, then it becomes imperative that she be fucked constantly

    Ah yes, the contrary nature of the males, who withhold if she wants it, but insist on it if she doesn’t.

    For a woman who is still trapped within a het relationship who really does not want it at all, should make out like she wants it – so that he won’t want to (she may have to do it the first time, but thereafter, in the powerplay that is heterosexual relations, he won’t thereafter). Of course, she has to do this subtly, and a little gradually. But if she can pull it off convincingly, then it will work. It’s the double-bluff. He only wants what he thinks she doesn’t want.

  2. July 8, 2012 2:45 pm

    the contrarian nature of it really confused me for a long time. my mother used to tell me that its all men wanted, but then once i started doing it, i realized that was very far from the truth — they didnt want to do it at all, or very infrequently compared to me. i was like WTF? the common denominator, of course, is that whatever their level of “desire” its contrary to yours. thats the point. it makes women look like liars, or like they dont know what they are talking about, when they only provide half the picture without addressing the contrarian part. it doesnt even begin to address the problem to say “its all men want” because thats only true in certain instances, when doing it all the time is going to be damaging to the woman, or where the men are one-night-stading multiple women. that is to say, it ignores the political part.

  3. July 8, 2012 3:13 pm

    also, doing it at all is anti-feminist, and that cannot be remedied. but you already know that. 🙂

  4. lydia permalink
    July 11, 2012 2:29 pm

    Thought you’d be interested in this one:

    http://www.out.com/news-commentary/2012/04/24/breastfeeding-dad-queer-adventures-nursing-baby

  5. Iasmē permalink
    July 16, 2012 10:20 pm

    it’s centred around their usage of women in sex, I find, but some of the time there are mindgames played. If she perceives to want it more she’s a nympho and thus a freak. If she doesn’t want it most of the time she’s frigid, which in their minds -demands correction-. Think of it as maintenance…

  6. Gem permalink
    September 3, 2012 1:36 am

    Het men have been off the table for me completely since college, after one of the very few I’ve dated chased me down the stairs and tried to physically attack me when I broke up with him,. Which was ironic, because in my eyes, not calling me for two weeks = not interested, so we’re done. Even then, I didn’t put up with bull shit and I wasn’t upset; just happy to know the full magnitude of his prickishness. When the balance of power shifted and I was calling the shots, he could not stand it. Especially since I did not follow his expected, entitled script – the one where I was supposed to call him every day and grovel, cry, and beg instead of saying, “Fine! I’m dumping your sorry ass!” – and the abuse was a desperate power grab from a wimp and loser. I started dating this cool older woman I met in my biochem class in the fall of that year and never looked back. But, this is an interesting discussion. Do men, as a rule, act contrarian specifically to frustrate women? I see it still – I can’t avoid it, because most women I know date het men and many of their relationships are all kinds of fucked up.

    I used to be friends with this younger woman, she can’t be older than 25 now, who had THE most fucked-up relationship with her boyfriend. She would tell him to give her space because she was spending time with friends, and he’d show up at her house, sit on her couch, and blow up her phone demanding sex and calling her all kinds of derogatory slurs (or synonyms) for woman. Then, when she was in the mood, and they’d fuck, he’d freak the hell out, accusing her of doing drugs, cheating, or whatever, because it’s impossible, you see, that a woman might want sex when a man doesn’t. I could no longer be friends with her because he was a danger to ME. He would talk to me in the most sarcastic, vile tone, like he was lowering himself to speak to a woman, and bear in mind, I spoke maybe two sentences to this prick, every couple of weeks at most. One time, my partner lost her phone and he wound up with it – but when I called it, asking where she was, he bullied me over the phone, “THAT’S IRRELEVANT TO THE QUESTION – DO YOU WANT HER PHONE BACK??? OR NOT?” This shit-for-brains also thought I was going to stand in front of our house on a 100-degree summer day until he “felt like” returning it.

    He’s in jail now for stabbing a man in a fight. The man lived, so he only got 2 years. We’re not going to be living in this state by the time he gets out, or even this time next month, so I’m gladder than hell. THIS is what young women are dating. Wow. Just wow.

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